I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
