I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
