Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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