what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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