fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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