Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize