I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
