I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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