we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
