last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize