It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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