I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
