I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Houston, we have a squirter
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
