I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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