and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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