my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
