I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
