Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
