Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
