The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
