I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
