some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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