i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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