we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
