I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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