Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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