If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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