About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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