she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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