Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
