just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize