Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i dont even know how to be here
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dicks are not precious.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
