Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
