He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
