i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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