the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
