I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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