doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
