Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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