then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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