You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
