you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
