Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
