i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
