he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
