I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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