dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How naked do you want me to be?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize