Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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