She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
