Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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