That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
