I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
