Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize