if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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