mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
