He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
