So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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