i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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