I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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