So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
