You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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