from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize