I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
