ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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