epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
