i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
