And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
