I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
