you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize