thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize