i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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