Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
