Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
