You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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