I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
