He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
