At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
