Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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