i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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