this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
