I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
