MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
