I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he fucked my hip out of place.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
