Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
