Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
