Where are you?
In a non slutty way
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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