watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize