I heard we made out
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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