You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
