thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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