y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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