So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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