1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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