i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
