Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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