life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Welp...herpes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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