I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
