Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
