i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He felt like a one man threesome
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
